


Brotherly love

by BrightShadow



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alfred and Bruce troll all three of them, Dick isn't much better, Gen, Jason and Dick troll Tim, Jason is an ass, brothers bothering each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 05:47:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16079699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightShadow/pseuds/BrightShadow
Summary: In which Jason is a troll, Dick doesn't help, and Tim is going to end both of them.“Aww look baby bird! It’s your first chest hair!” Jason says. Tim goes pink. “You’re becoming a man!”





	Brotherly love

Jason doesn’t use the Bat locker room often. He uses it with other Bats even less. But on the rare occasion that he uses it he never changes in the open unless he’s alone.

Tim uses the Bat locker room more frequently but, like Jason, rarely changes outside of the stalls. Dick, for contrast, changes out in the middle of the locker room, a hangover from both his circus days and when he lived in the original Titian base. Tim isn’t exactly insecure about his body but he doesn’t really like undressing in front of people unless he has to.

So it is a miracle of intersecting miracles that Jason and Tim end up changing out in the open together.

It’s the middle of summer during a hellish heatwave that only seems to loosen it’s grip when the sun goes down. Even the criminal element that normally conducts it’s business during the day switches to nights to escape it.

Which means it’s all hands on deck for the Bats.

Jason, just in from a hellishly long and packed patrol, is bone tired and presumes he’s alone. Until Tim staggers in, having been held up by a mugger with a really good set of legs and a college student’s last dollar.

By the time Tim catches the mugger,returns the wallet to it’s grateful owner (with a few magically appearing bills wow whats up with that), and heads home the sunrise is already breaking.

Tim is half collapsed into his locker when Jason steps out of the showers and leans on the doorway, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

There is an awkward pause. Tim is well aware Jason doesn't like to change in front of anyone. But Tim is __exhausted__  and there’s no way he’s making the trip to the stalls to change now. Jason can move if he’s bothered. But Jason does not move.

Instead he opens his own locker and fishes out his civies. Tim goes back to searching for his shirt. He knows he left one in here but where did it get to?

Jason’s head jerks toward Tim.

“What is _that?”_ he says

“What’s what?” Tim asks

“That. On your chest.” Jason says. He steps closer and reaches out. Tim watches Jason’s hand but doesn't move away.

Jason pinches something an inch from Tim’s chest and pulls. Tim flinches and yelps at a sharp tiny pain. Jason fights a grin as he makes a “phbbt” sound trying to hold in laughter.

“Aww look baby bird! It’s your first chest hair!” Jason says. Tim goes pink. “You’re becoming a man!”

“Shut up! I’m almost twenty!” Tim snaps.

“Naaah you’re a little bitty shiny skinned baby…I’m gonna show Dick.” Tim’s pink face goes full red.

“Do not. Jason don’t you dare I will brick your damn laptop and Barbara won’t help you because you will deserve it.” Tim hisses as he lunges for the hair.

He doesn't need to get a hold of the hair, he just needs to make Jason drop it. But Jason just laughs and skips back, flicking Tim’s shirt at his head and keeping a firm hold on the hair. “But Timmy! Dick will want to share this beautiful moment!”

Tim throws the shirt on and chases after Jason.

__“Jason!”__ he yells as the older boy darted up the stairs. They run through the manor halls, Jason taunting Tim and Tim threatening Jason until they almost collide with Alfred.

Alfred quickly steps to the side. Jason twists and dances to a stop on one foot to keep avoid him.

“Look Al! baby’s first chest hair!” Jason’s grin is wide and evil. Alfred practically has to cross his eyes to see the tiny hair thrust in his face.

“Very good. They do grow up so fast.” Tim flies through the air, tackling Jason at the waist. Jason, because he is a wall made of bastard bricks, stumbles but keeps his feet.

He laughs and puts his hand on Tim’s head to keep him away from the hair, stretching his arm up to keep it far away from Tim’s grasping hands.

“Shall I acquire shaving materials for you to add to your morning routine sir?” Tim freezes and looked at Alfred with a betrayed expression. Jason bursts out laughing.

“And master Jason, might I say how glad I am that you’re finally embracing the ‘angelic curl’ of your hair? It was always a shame that you fought it so viciously.” Jason stops laughing. Tim uses Jason’s distraction to hook Jason’s feet out from under him. Jason curses and snags Tim on the way down and they both tumble to the ground.

Alfred continues walking.

“I do not have angel hair, __I was a drug lord__!” Jason calls out to Alfred’s retreating back. “As you say sir!” Alfred says without pausing. Tim can’t help laughing even in his distress.

Dick stumbles out of his room.

“What’s happening. Why is everyone so loud so early?” Dick groans. “No!” Tim yelps as Jason wraps his legs around Tim to flip them over and sit on Tim.

Tim gasps at the weight and smacks Jason’s legs. “Get your fat ass off me!” Tim says.

“Look Dick,” Jason says as he holds the hair aloft. __“No!”__ Tim screams like Jason threatened to kill Tim’s first born.

The sound of someone very heavy hitting the floor and running can be heard down the hall. Jason pays no heed to any of these things.

“It’s baby’s first chest hair, I’m so proud!” Jason pretends to wipe a tear away and Dick snickers.

Tim howls and bucks Jason off. Jason rolls, still laughing, and pushes back at him. __“__ _ _Jason you fucking ass,”__ Tim says, still sounding like he’s being murdered.

Jason keeps laughing as Bruce barrels around the corner and freezes at the scene.

“What is it what’s-” Bruce says, searching for whatever is murdering his youngest. Jason jumps to his feet, neatly dodging Tim’s leg swipe. “B, B look-” Tim darts toward his brother and tries to tackle the hair away from him once more. “It’s baby bird’s first chest hair!” Jason says, pausing between words to dodge Tim’s ineffective swipes.

Dick interferes, grabbing Tim in a headlock. Tim screeches in impotent rage. “It’s a scrap book moment” Dick says over Tim.

Bruce nods, solemn faced and takes the tiny hair from Jason. “I’ll put it next to the others,” Bruce says, turning and walking away. All three boys freeze.

“Bruce please tell me you’re joking,” Dick says. Jason looks at Dick in horror

“He wasn’t kidding about keeping them,” Jason whispers.

“What,” says Tim.

“Oh god he’s serious,” Dick whimpers. “Please tell me it’s under deeper lock and key than the contingency plans,” Jason moans. Tim finally catches on. “Serves you assholes right,” Tim snickers as he knees Dick in the stomach and forces him to let him go.

 


End file.
